Let’s start with some more Steve Wright – I do like his humor.
I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.
I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.
Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring… ‘How to Build a Boat.’
What’s another word for Thesaurus?
I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing ‘Happy Birthday.’
Right now I’m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time… I think I’ve forgotten this before.
If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
They say the universe is expanding. That should help with the traffic.
What language do they speak in Cuba?
Cubic!
What is a myth?
A female moth!
What do you mean by telling everyone that I’m an idiot?
I’m sorry, I didn’t know it was supposed to be a secret!
If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut.
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the “P” is silent.
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
Why is it that no plastic garbage bag will open from the end you first try?
Here’s a story with a moral.
Benny worked at a Museum. His job was to keep the exhibits clean. One day was dusting around the Arabian exhibit, and he noticed an ancient, dirty urn.
He got out his dust rag and began polishing. Low and behold, an enormous Genie appeared. “Master,” the Genie began, “I am the Genie of the urn. I can grant you three wishes, but there is one condition: You must never shave or cut your beard for the rest of your life, or you will be forced to take my place inside the urn forever.”
Benny thought about it and decided it was a fair condition for three wishes. So Benny wished for a gigantic mansion which was promptly granted. Then he wished for the most beautiful woman in the world as his wife, and low and behold, she was.
Finally, he wished for the fanciest sports car ever built, and it was his. Over the years, Benny’s beard became longer and longer until it almost reached the floor. As it grew longer, it began to itch. He tried to ignore it, but the itch became more and more irritating, while the memory of the Genie’s warning faded. Finally, he decided he had to get rid of the beard and he shaved it off. Instantly he was trapped inside the urn, forced to stay there forever.
The moral of the story: A Benny shaved is a Benny urned.
If you would like me to explain the last joke, or if you need help with your security system, please contact me at 800-431-1658 in the USA, or at 914-944-3425 everywhere else, or use our contact form.